Gender Expression
by Hannah Scholnick
Children can be all different wonderful combinations of traits, such as outgoing, brave, and curious. But have you also noticed their appearance-related traits, such as androgynous, masculine and femininte? If you’re looking for more information on how to support your child in expressing their gender, then read on!
According to the Human Rights Campaign, gender identity is defined as “one’s innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both or neither – how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves.” People express gender identity in many ways, some through appearance, utilizing tools such as clothing, makeup, and haircuts. Other ways may be hormone therapy or using pronouns that align with the gender that person is expressing–just as she and him are linked to female and male gender expressions. Remember, we all use pronouns to describe ourselves and others, this is no different.
On the gender spectrum, we have two ends: man/boy and woman/girl. We tend to equate certain features with men and boys and others with women and girls. For instance, strength, independence and bravery with boys and gentleness, responsibility and caring with girls. However, everyone has a mix of both, and the sooner you can unlearn these couplings, the sooner you can support your child’s sense of self. What’s also important to note, is that gender identity is separate from sexual orientation. Although many people tend to think they are connected, this is not necessarily true.
Although some people’s gender identity falls in line with their sex assigned at birth (which is referred to as cisgender), many people’s identity does not—which is totally normal! This may feel overwhelming; learning about gender identity can be a learning curve for parents and educators. But it’s important to put the time in to understand and embrace gender diversity instead of fearing it. Instilling fear into children may create negative perceptions within their psyche from a young age, preventing them from feeling comfortable in their own skin, which will negatively affect their mental health and sense of self. To start off your reeducation, here are a couple of useful resources.
1. Everyday Girl Dad- Mike Reynolds is an Ottawa-based podcaster and blogger who has tattoos created by his daughters (!!) and talks about healthy masculinities and gender expression.
https://www.instagram.com/everydaygirldad/
https://everydaygirldad.com/pages/men-supporting-menstruation
2. Amanda Jette Knox is a Canadian speaker and best selling author of the memoir “Love Lives Here” – about queer family and loving her trans daughter and wife.
https://twitter.com/MavenOfMayhem
3. The Gender Wheel: A Story about Bodies and Gender for Every Body by Maya Gonzalez: for kids 7-10 years old, talks about the diversity of gender and bodies, as well as the impact of colonization on the reinforcement of the gender binary.
There are resources online at wwww.genderwheel.com
4. Can I tell you about gender diversity? By CJ Atkinson for kids 11+: talks on different aspects of gender diversity, with a focus on trans identities.
5. Queer Kid Stuff: YouTube channel covering LGBTQ+ topics in fun and accessible ways for kids and parents alike.
Check out more resources on the Sex Positive Families Resource guide:
Many parents fear that their child will be confused about their gender. Yet in truth, that fear is rooted in the fear of being different. It’s understandable to be afraid of your child being bullied, so it’s important to give them the tools and language to talk about how they feel and providing a supportive environment allowing them to feel accepted and loved. Encouraging them to explore their gender expression will build confidence as they grow and move throughout the world. If you make them feel like their gender expression is “bad” or “weird” prematurely, then they will enter every environment feeling self-conscious. By supporting their gender expression, you strengthen their self-esteem and your relationship with them. Times are changing and creating an environment that praises gender exploration will help your child in the long run. Without clear lines for what someone is supposed to dress, act and sound like—the ability to be oneself becomes easier. Throughout life we are always learning new things about ourselves, so why does gender expression have to be stagnant from a very young age? Give your child the ability to explore their gender in whatever way feels comfortable to them, we can’t put people in boxes forever. Besides, rules were made to be broken.
Works Cited
Human Rights Campaign. “Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Definitions.” Human Rights Campaign, https://www.hrc.org/resources/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity-terminology-and-definitions.
Killermann, Sam. “Comprehensive* List of LGBTQ Vocabulary Definitions.” It’s Pronounced Metrosexual, 13 Mar. 2019, https://www.itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2013/01/a-comprehensive-list-of-lgbtq-term-definitions/
